In The Beginning

Once upon a time I wrote down some words. People seemed to dig them so I wrote down some more. And some more after that. I was a lone pillar of literary awesomeness, the beacon of badassery, fighting the good fight and ridding the Earth from the scum of the Universe, just like the organization that stole my name. That’s when the unsightly Siamese twins of Peer Pressure and Social Media came knocking on my back door, leather whips at the ready and nutcrackers a-dangling… you know what? I don’t wanna talk about it. All you need to know is that I succumbed, and I succumbed hard. The result: my words are now out here amongst the flotsam and jetsam of cyberspace, and they’re here to stay.

Firstly, you need to know that I live in an alternate universe called Earth Prime Beta-1 that is highly similar to the one that you inhibit, aside from the fact that we don’t have cookies. Ah, I’m just fucking with you. Did you really believe that – the alternate universe sci-fi geek stuff? What are you on? I want some. The fact of the matter is that I have to write from behind a moniker in an “alternate universe” of sorts because I “write what I know” and what I know are some incredibly stupid and asinine people.  What I’m trying to say is that there are certain humans out there (and several non-humans) that I’ve mentioned in my writing who upon reading it might want to open up a libel case against yours truly or take a meat cleaver to my gonads. And so, the names of people, places and things have been changed in the name of protecting their identities and protecting my delicates. Turns out that when overcoming cultural communicative barriers, there are certain ingrained personal quirks and qualities that don’t translate well into other cultures. Such as telling the leader of the Yakuza to “open your eyes when you’re speaking to me, bitch!” or simply being a jovial bearded brown man on any American airline. Who knew?

Anyway, within these cyber-pages you will find highly opinionated lamentations and celebrations on topics as wide as the plight of the lobster to the dark goings-on of the Masdebater Inquisition as well as tales of joy and woe regarding the infinite jest which is Life. All opinions expressed are obviously my own, so take them with a pinch of cyanide. Enjoy the words; let them make you think and laugh and cry and ponder, and remember: I may not go down in history, but I will go down on your sister – Hank Moody-style.

Unfaithfully Yours

[P.S. If you would kindly cast your gaze to your left, you will notice a section labelled “Recent Posts”. That’s where all the new stuff goes – this is just a static intro page. Also, check out the “About” page. I hear it’s pretty good, too.]

© 2012-2013 All Rights Reserved


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